2024 was an odd year for horror. We didn’t see many sequels and those that did come out were surprisingly good. We witnessed a lot of faux horror movies. Movies that claimed to be horror movies but were really some kind of drama, mostly of the family or relationship kind. There was also the continued rise of Goosebumps horror, movies really made for tweens not even teens.
Here at Binge News we made every attempt to check out, to screen every horror movie of note this year and rank them by grade. There are some exceptions though:
If the film wasn’t available in English, had no subtitles or dubbing we had to pass.
If the film was so low, low, low budget that the “filmmakers” couldn’t even get the simple things like editing, continuity or lighting right, we had to pass.
If the film was not widely released in 2024 and was only screened at the Monster Horror Mystery Fan Festival in Buckfuck, Montana, we don’t consider that RELEASED. Sorry, no.
Also, each grade installment is listed from best to worst. So, the last entry in F Grade is what we consider the worst Horror movie of the 2024 and in turn the first entry in A Grade is what we consider the best of 2024.
We begin with F Grade.
Synopsis: A coming of RAGE love story about a teenager and her crush, who happens to be a corpse.
Review: It swings for the fences but ends up bunting to get on base. It is kooky, goofy and zany. It just isn’t kooky, goofy or zany enough or focused enough.
Synopsis: The process of excavating an ominous grave unleashes dreadful consequences buried underneath.
Review: Literally next to nothing happens until almost an hour and twenty minutes into the film. A good premise drags and drags on without a payoff in sight.
Synopsis: The Curtis family is selected to test a new home device: a digital assistant called AIA. AIA learns the family’s behaviors and begins to anticipate their needs. And she can make sure nothing – and no one – gets in her family’s way.
Review: Another dumpster fire from the absolute house of dumpster fires: Blumhouse. There is nothing more that you need to know other than a family is terrorized by AI assistant they allow into their homes. Every AI trope from Terminator, 2001, The Stepford Wives, Ghost in the Shell, etc, is put into a cinematic blender…on the LAZY setting. Everyone talks like the writer/director has lived on a desert island for his entire life. Same goes for all the talk, discussions of technology. Sorta like when you used to hear Boomers say: “Information Super Highway” in that dimwitted, spaced out tone of voice. This is like what would happen if Siri or Google made a movie. Bland, predictable and boring.
Synopsis: A family is invited to spend a whole weekend in a lonely home in the countryside, but as the weekend progresses, they realize that a dark side lies within the family who invited them.
Review: Worse than the 2022 original Danish-Dutch film as many things were softened or changed in order for it to be palatable for American audiences. Just like the first movie though it is plagued by outlandish decisions and circumstances.
Synopsis: It’s Alex’s 21st Birthday, but she’s stuck at the amusement arcade on a late shift so her friends decide to surprise her, but a masked killer dressed as Mickey Mouse decides to play a game of his own with them which she must survive.
Review: A boring, sad little film that capitalizes on the fact that The Steamboat Willie copyright expired this year. Hardly any special effects, tension or gore to speak of. The only thing of note is the humour which isn’t bad. There are actual Walt Disney movies that are scarier than this.
Synopsis: Late one night a woman drives by a stranded motorist who is later revealed to have been murdered. After a series of terrifying events the woman believes she is the killer’s next victim.
Review: If there was a category of “Pre-owned Movies” this would be it. Blackwater is the accumulation of “Is she crazy or is she really being stalked, haunted?” premise in existence. There is nothing new, nothing original here. As a bonus, this has some of the worst dialogue ever written. It sounds as if everyone is reading lines from a script instead of speaking naturally.
Synopsis: Tells the story of a young man who has amnesia. He bands together with a rugged survivalist in a zombie-like outbreak to find his girlfriend.
Review: Laughably bad and absolutely stone cold boring all at the same time. Zombies in rubber suits. Every exhausted zombie/apocalyptic trope you have ever seen. Carrie-Ann Moss as a MILF survivalist, which begs the question…What the hell is The Matrix’s Carrie-Anne Moss doing in this clustercrap? I cannot believe this is same dude who directed and wrote Wolfcop.
Synopsis: After a series of strange events leads her to question her family’s isolated life on a fortified compound deep in the English wilds, 10-year-old Willow follows her parents on one of their secret late-night treks to the heart of the forest.
Review: This is NOT a creature feature nor is it a horror movie of any description. It is a family drama that just happens to feature a werewolf dad who doesn’t do much prowling or howling. The only horror in this movie is the moronic ending after all the family squabbling you have had to sit through.
Synopsis: To save Paris from a bloodbath, a grieving scientist is forced to face her tragic past when a giant shark appears in the Seine.
Review: Perhaps the tamest killer shark movie you will ever see. The only action is at the start and end of the film. The rest of the one hour and 44 minute running time is a long, boring, bloodless hunt for the shark where the only drama is the humans arguing with one another about whether to destroy or rescue it.
Synopsis: While attending a festival to commemorate the original zombie attack, Ash and her friends encounter the living dead and must fight back or be devoured.
Review: Ash is the teenage granddaughter of Duane Jones’ character from NOTLD. Although she is supposed to be babysitting she is convinced by her friends to attend the…get this…Festival of the Living Dead, the undead version of Glastonbury or Coachella. Faster than you can say…Send more cops!…a rogue meteorite revives the dead. Ash, Iris and their pals have to hack and slash their way to freedom. Unlike NOTLD’s the garden trowel scene, the shock ending, chase scene at the start, etc, there is nothing, absolutely nothing, memorable or impressive about Festival of the Living Dead. Even the kills are as generic as a throat being cut in a slasher flick. From beginning to end, Festival’s ride is on cruise control just like careers of the Soka Sisters.
Full Review:
Synopsis: It tells the story of a chef who opens her first restaurant where she battles kitchen chaos, a dubious investor and self doubt, but the pressure heats up thanks to the spirit of the estate’s previous owner who threatens to sabotage her.
Review: Just goes to prove that Blumhouse’s approach to filmmaking is to throw anything against the wall to see if it sticks. You read correctly. This one is about a haunted kitchen where bugs swarm over food . It is hardly a horror movie and more of a bad episode of The Bear. It isn’t scary or eerie or frightening at all. Gordon Ramsay’s rants on Hell’s Kitchen are scarier. Ariana DeBose is the only reason to watch this crap.
Synopsis: Struggling prog-rock musician William Brown finds himself in a living nightmare when he accidentally kills Vlad, the neighbor from hell.
Review: Destroy All Neighbors is like Victor Frankenstein’s creation. It is a bunch of bad set-pieces, a bunch of orphaned script ideas haphazardly sewn together. Unfortunately, this creature was brought to life instead of left on the slab to rot.
Synopsis: It centers on a Filipino family and a daughter who lives overseas as they get haunted by a primal and supernatural curse.
Review: Everyone’s heart is in the right place. They are really trying to produce the next Ringu or Ju-On but it just doesn’t have any momentum so it disappoints. It doesn’t deliver the creeps or the scares.
Synopsis: High school student accidentally travels back to 2003 and decides to stop the serial killer who murdered her sister.
Review: Yet ANOTHER PG 13 slasher movie in which a teenage girl goes back in time to investigate unsolved murders in her hometown and yet ANOTHER PG 13 slasher movie in which the killer wears a hoodie with a mask. How freaking original. No imagination. No gore. No scares. Perfect for those who haven’t graduated beyond Goosebumps yet and even they might find this to be lame.
Synopsis: A teenager just trying to make it through life in the suburbs is introduced by a classmate to a mysterious late-night TV show.
Review: A cool premise that doesn’t come together at all. Justice Smith is cardboard. Brigette Lundy-Paine doesn’t gel with him. The story isn’t impactful or exceptional in any way.
Synopsis: In 1930s Oklahoma amid the region’s horrific dust storms, a woman is convinced that a sinister presence is threatening her family.
Review: Don’t Hold Your Breath expecting anything interesting to happen. How many of these “Old West-Family Down on Their Luck” supernatural movies do we need anyways? It is like they are itching to have their own genre. It takes so long for this slower than molasses plot to play itself out that you would rather go visit your local version of Pioneer Village because watching people churn butter for hours on end or make soap is a rocket ship ride to the moon compared to this film.
Synopsis: An Indiana family discovers strange, demonic occurrences that convince them and their community that the house is a portal to hell.
Review: You know what’s hell? Having to sit through this comatose crapfest. The BIG name cast cannot support a film with such weak foundations. Like many “horror” movies this year, too much drama and not enough terror.
Synopsis: Haunted by a malevolent spirit since childhood, a desperate mother allows herself to become possessed in order to save the life of her terminally ill daughter.
Review: This skeleton doesn’t have any meat on its bones. Everyone just sleepwalks through this low budget mess that has FX worse than any PlayStation 2 game. The movie poster is more frightening than the actual movie. The most mysterious thing about this stupid-natural movie is how Terrence Howard and Cuba Gooding Jr. were convinced to participate. Methinks some Necronomicon type magic was involved as there is no logical or reasonable explanation.
Synopsis: A father and his teen daughter attend a pop concert only to realize they’ve entered the center of a dark and sinister event.
Review: The imbecilic plot by M. Night Shyamalan relies entirely on one implausible coincidence, circumstance after another. Example: In their manhunt, if law enforcement had detailed characteristics of a wanted serial killer like a recognizable tattoo, why not survey, search each likely suspect coming into a concert rather than waiting until everyone was already inside to being their operation? So much of this film just doesn’t make any bloody sense. Schyster Shyamalan hasn’t made a good movie in 20 years. Why does Hollywood keep tossing money into his dumpster fires?
Synopsis: A woman returns to her childhood home to discover that the imaginary friend she left behind is very real and unhappy that she abandoned him.
Review: If you are an adult, if you are a dedicated horror fan, you won’t even flinch during Imaginary. Not only should you be immune to those lazy kind of jump scares by now but you shouldn’t be phased at all by a drooling Fozzy Bear with goofy big teeth as this new entry in Goosebumps Horror is strictly for the kids.
Full Review:
Synopsis: A family moves into a new home, unaware that a dark secret from the house’s past will unleash a malevolent force in the backyard pool.
Review: Please. The mystery itself is about as intriguing as skimming a pool free of leaves, insects and other debris and the solution is so simple one wonders why the family didn’t enact it earlier. Perhaps because they have the collective IQ of a bag of baseballs? Night Swim does one thing successfully though. It confirms that when it comes to producing horror movies Blumhouse believes in quantity over quality. They are quickly becoming the Full Moon Features of the modern era releasing tons of flops and very few hits.
Full Review:
Synopsis: Lumina follows four friends desperately searching for their abductee friend. Whether they find their friend or not in the deserts of the US to the sands of the Sahara, will change their lives forever.
Review: The only thing cool about this movie is the movie poster and even that was recycled from Resistance: Fall of Man. The only reason it is above The Front Room as the worst horror movie this year is because it is so bad that it’s unintentionally hilarious. There is some actual fun, entertainment to be had watching it unlike The Front Room.
The special effects look like they were generated on a Commodore PET computer. The acting is so silted, such cardboard that the producers could have saved a lot of money by just hiring life sized cutouts and have them voiced by Mark Hamill and Tara Strong. The dialogue is so clumsy, so devoid of humanity and genuine emotion you have to be forgiven for assuming an AI intelligence in a Dollar Store Tamagotchi toy wrote, generated it. It was actually director, producer and writer Gino J.H. McKoy who I must say has a very promising career in comedy.
You have to see Lumina to actually appreciate that cinematic incompetency on such a massive scale exists outside of an Ed Wood, Dennis Dugan or Rob Zombie production. Not only one of the worst films of 2024 but, move over Catwoman, Loqueesha and Manos: The Hands of Fate, one of the worst ever made. Period.
Synopsis: It tells the story of a newly pregnant couple who are forced to take in an ailing, estranged stepmother.
Review: Please. Old people aren’t frightening or threatening. Duller than a butter knife and about as scary as feeding pigeons in the park. Put her in a nursing home like everyone else does in North America. Problem and movie solved.
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