As some who know me are aware, I have been around this mudball we call Earth a time or two. So here is some free advice: If you ever find yourself hating an entire group of people just because of their identity to the point that you feel the need to lash out in an excessive and an inordinate manner, you should probably seek professional help to deal with your excessive, unhealthy hostility.
Just because a few people from a particular group have had a negative affect on you or your life doesn’t mean the entire group is made up of awful people. Example: Fearing and despising all Chinese people just because one Chinese cashier shortchanged you at Wal-Mart last week is an excessive, unreasonable and irrational reaction which needs sorting out.
Having said all of that I should have known going in that the I Know What You Did Last Summer remake would have a disjointed and malicious tone to it as it was written and directed by Jennifer Kaytin Robinson who scribbled that absolute cinematic catastrophe that turned a once popular Marvel superhero into a laughing stock. Of course, I am talking about Thor: Love and Thunder. The damage is so severe that actor Chris Hemsworth wants the series and character to be reinvented so he can “make up” for what a disaster Love and Thunder was.
“I got caught up in the improv and the wackiness and I became a parody of myself,” he told Vanity Fair.
Well, Jennifer Kaytin Robinson can add another franchise she has put on and left on life support: I Know What You Did Last Summer. In all honesty though, the series didn’t have a great diagnosis to begin with. The flaming bag of failure that was I’ll Always Know What You Did Last Summer was released straight-to-DVD and the Amazon TV series was torture to sit through especially if you have already seen the films. No horror fan wants to watch insufferable characters postulate about life, the universe and everything in one tedious scene after another.
Robinson attempted to replicate the same success Matt Bettinelli-Olpin and Tyler Gillett have had with the Scream franchise but she fails spectacularly as she prioritized delivering a political message rather than making a good and faithful follow-up that breathes new life into an aging franchise. She should have looked at the latest Halloween trilogy for strong female leads as a template rather than the abysmal 2019 Black Christmas remake as her version of I Know What You Did Last Summer sinks for all the same reasons.
The first big plot misstep is the accident which sets the whole bloody revenge clusterfuck into motion isn’t a direct case of murder and would have probably led to a misdemeanour charge or a felony like involuntary manslaughter. That changes the gravity of the situation and the guilt suffered by our ‘heroes’. Also, based on where it happened it is very unlikely the group of friends could have done anything to rescue the victim unlike in the first movie in which the body was left in the middle of the road after they ran him over and then unceremoniously dumped him in a lake. The two circumstances just don’t balance out, don’t have the same weight. I would guess that’s because Robinson wanted these characters to be sympathetic.
What buoys the prevailing message is that the male characters are short-shifted. They aren’t developed beyond their archetypes. Even the heartless, navel-gazing true crime podcaster Tyler (Gabriette Bechtel) has more personality than any of the dudes. By the way, can we stop being so lazy and recycling this stupid character? Find another stock character, please. Enough already.
Once our victim has been loaded into a meat wagon and our heroes swear to never speak of that night ever again, the story devolves into a muddled mess that unfolds like it was written on the spot. An anonymous and ominous message – ‘I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER’ – reunites our Scooby Gang with the female characters leading the investigation while the males stand around twiddling their thumbs waiting to be knocked off. Only a few of the kills are memorable or exceptional, one being a complete rip-off of Scream in its set-up.
It doesn’t help that you immediately know or at least suspect who the killer is and what their motivation is once everyone’s cards are on the table. There are some red herrings but their introductions are so badly orchestrated that they can be ruled out right away. Some may see the big finale and reveal to be controversial but it is just lazy scripting just like the incredibly weak and laughable closing scene which leads the door open to a sequel that we hope will never come.
Returning final girl Julie James (Jennifer Love Hewitt) said it best: ‘Nostalgia is overrated.’ I Know What You Did Last Summer will surely entice horror fans with her return and some of the original Scooby Gang members but they are just set pieces. There are a few clever nods to the original but those just remind the audience of how much better the original was especially without all the political grandstanding and toxic messaging.
This isn’t a spoiler in any way but when you end the film with the cruel and irresponsible gut punch line: “This would have never happened if men went to therapy”, your mentality is as transparent as Dr. Jack Griffin was. That one line is delivered with chuckles and smiles which makes you wonder about the thought process that went into it. It shows a genuine and shocking lack of empathy. It is also inaccurate. Recent data indicates a significant increase in men accessing mental health services more than ever before.
In a day and age in which there have been great strides in removing the stigma surrounding mental illness and normalizing those discussions, it is absolutely mind-blowing that this line was left in the film. It does however accurately represent the film’s spiteful and regressive attitude. What’s the motivation and desire of someone to belittle and disparage people which in the end just fuels even more negativity? I wish the answer to that mystery was a simple-minded and straight-forward as the one in I Know What You Did Last Summer.
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